the adventures of the outside

I like to explore and discover. Little things can make me smile, like the way the clouds are floating in the sky, or the way the leaves are rustling in the wind. I met a bird named Mister Buttermilk. He hopped from branch to branch, whistling to me all the while. He was very sweet, but I haven't seen him again.
I watched the sun set from my new sitting spot.

But then I went out another day, and I saw a butterfly with a torn wing. It couldn't fly and I felt so sad. Suddenly I had remembered that outside wasn't always as beautiful and happy as I remembered ...

"i want your smile to never fade away"

there once was a girl who sang love songs loudly when nobody was listening. she didn't sing them with anyone in mind. she just sung them because they made her happy.

i want to be wild

Lately this strange feeling has taken me over. Instead of being content with just sitting inside all day, being online, playing my guitar or gluing things into my journal, I have been abandoning it all and just going to play outside. I even wanted to get some feathers to put in my hair. I have never been much of an outside person. When I was young everyone in my family used to comment on how I was the quiet, inside one. Over the years though, I think I let everyone pigeonhole me as "the inside girl" and I stopped going outside to play at all. Then I grew up some more and nobody seemed to need to go outside anymore. Everything anyone really needed was on the inside. We could loose ourselves in someone else's life on television, or while away the hours chatting online.

While I still go out quite often, I never really just went outside and looked at everything. So now I have this little spot in my garden where I go to walk around and explore and watch. There is another garden fences off in the middle, the old, abandoned vegetable patch. It's so overgrown, whereas the grass around it is cut short and blunt. It's exploding with pumpkins and vines too. I would go in if I weren't so afraid of snakes. There is a tree full of yellow flowers, and when the wind blows the petals just trickle off and drift to the ground. I can lay down on my back and watch the clouds, or lay down on my stomach and watch the ants.

I am glad to go outside again. I truly feel like Mary going into her garden and, everyday, feeling a bit stronger and a bit happier. It's the magic. The magic of the world.

a small warning?

I've never known what career I want to have after I leave school, so I just took the advice of a teacher and decided to take business subjects, for the purpose of studying business at university. But since I've been able to have a taste of business through taking these subjects, I'm really quite positive it's something I definitely do not want to do. Accounting especially is so soul sucking! I appreciate that there are some who enjoy it, and I actually do to some extent, but it's boring. I couldn't imagine me spending the rest of my life crunching numbers. Ick! Also, I've had two part time jobs and hated them to the extreme, even though they were actually pretty good jobs. I just couldn't stand working. How silly is that?! So I have been kind of worried about what I'm going to do after school. Maybe a year off? Maybe not? My parents have their hearts set on me studying accounting ... oh dear.

BUT, recently I made a discovery about myself, and it's that I love analysing people, personalities and emotions. I do it all the time, and I love to do it. I never really realized that I did it, until I saw someone just mention studying psychology on their blog. My mind pretty much instantly went "oh my gooooooodnesssssss, DUH!". I had never really considered this, because I've been to see school councilors before and really, really didn't like it. I had instantly ruled out being that kind of person. I looked up information on the course and found out that psychology can be used in a while range of jobs though. So I am really excited, because I have finally found something that I think I really want to do. The slight "problem" though, is that I need to get an OP of 5. I don't even understand how "OP"s are determined or any of that kind of stuff - school has not explained this very well and I'm super confused - but I do know that 5 is going to be a challenge for me to get. I get good grades, but I'll need to buckle down and study like I never have before. (Seeing as I have honestly never studied before in my life ...) Therefore, the point of all this, was to give a forewarning that I don't know how often I will be able to update. I should be okay at first, but I could get super stressed and freaked out or something crazy. Who knows?!?! My attempts at studying will probably go out the window almost straight away, because being bored and/or stressed is just not an option for me.

I know this post was a little ... "random" or "off-topic", but I just wanted to warn you lovelies! I adore blogging, so I hope I won't have to go on some kind of hiatus, but it's my last year of school, & so is consequently super important. I hope you understand ♥

my favourite things

I am feeling very, very lazy today. i think it has something to do with how hot it has been here lately. I have been thinking all summer, "wow, it really isn't that hot this year!" but now summer is here in all it's glory to prove me wrong.

So, i have decided to show you some links that i adore, and that keep me entertained on days like these.

Morning Sunshine is a page of adorable little games to play! I find the games relaxing but not entirely pointless - excellent also for afternoons and evenings when you are feeling stressed or upset.

Sofia Ajram's Flickr photostream is really beautiful. Her photos have a kind of fairytale aesthetic, but are also quite grown up and serious.

Being a fan of black and white photography, I love the 60 Inspiring Examples of it!

Learn more about your star sign at Astrology in India! I love this website, because it has many differnet sections on the one star sign and is very informative. I read all of mine (cancer!) and even looked up my friends' star signs as well - it's so accurate! I love reading star signs because they can describe certain things about your personality that you knew you had, but never knew how to accurately explain it yourself.

The Medicinal Uses of Lavender was an interesting read. I recently purchased a bottle of lavender oil and i love it! i use it on my skin, and it heals amazingly, as well is putting it on my pillows to help me sleep easier at night.

The Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun is amazing, amazing, AMAZING!

Ruche is an adorable (and super affordable!) online clothing store. I'm in love!

"RUCHE is a modern women's boutique with a vintage touch. We try to find items that are new, in-style, trendy, yet still inspired by a vintage look. We handpick each product to give you the perfect selection of clothing, accessories and more."

the dolls' theatre

I've been let in on a very special secret and have been invited to ...



I have tickets to a few perfomances, and I want you to come with me! But we are absolutely sworn to secrecy! We cannot tell a soul, especially not any adults. Most adults wouldn't believe in such a thing, and the magic might die.

Here are the tickets, shh! Tonight we are going to see Romeo and Juliet. I also have tickets to see the Swan Lake ballet, so I hope you will come with me to see that too. Remember to sign the back of the ticket - it has a space where you can, to promise that you won't tell anyone!

Items in this set:

Bubble Hem Polka Dot Dress - UTTAM Direct, 45 GBP
Anna Sui Nylon ruffled trench coat, $550
Christian Louboutin High Satin Peep Toes with Knot, 535 GBP
Lanvin Oulala satin clutch, $1,090
Lee Angel Multi-strand glass pearl necklace, $450

I am very glad I can trust you with this secret, and so are the dolls. They are very excited to see you there, too. ♥

How To Be HAPPY

i have come to realize that a lot of people just don't know HOW to be happy. i even asked myself how i am happy, and i had trouble answering it myself, at first. i understand that becoming truly happy will be a different process for everyone, but there are some things that i think everyone can do to become just a little bit more happy.

1. you have to understand that even happy people are sad sometimes. if you try and be happy in the face of everything, and don't allow yourself some time to actually be upset if need be. if you don't, then you will just become really emotionally exhausted and burnt out, which will, inevitably, lead to being more unhappy than happy.

2. you also have to understand, though, that you shouldn't get really upset over everything. if things just aren't going your way, find a way to fix it! sometimes when you are having an unlucky or bad day, you just have to go with it until it's over. but don't let it bring you down! if i'm having an especially bad time, i like to look at the clouds because they are so relaxing! if there are no clouds or it's rainy, i watch the trees instead. i always find that looking at little things in nature makes me feel best, because it always amazes me and i can get lost in my imagination.

3. stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or what they are thinking. if you keep wondering what others are thinking about you, it will only ever lead you to becoming really insecure. i know it's harder to do than it sounds, and it might take a while to stop doing it, but life instantly become a hundred times better once you stop caring what anyone else thinks of you. the way i did it was to become selfish in a way. i did things for myself, and myself only. i wore clothes that i love, not to impress anyone, but because they made me happy. i did what i wanted to make me happy and stopped trying to impress anyone at all. i mean, really, why should you care about what some random person thinks of you? they don't know anything about you, and if they want to make silly assumptions, then that's their choice. but chances are that they probably aren't thinking anything bad anyway!

4. have a major clean up & clean out of your life! honestly, getting rid of all my old CRAP that had been sitting around in my room for years was one of the best things i ever did. this means cleaning out everywhere! i only have my bedroom to take care of, but wherever it is that you store all your things, CLEAN IT OUT! this means under your bed & in your cupboards, wardrobe & drawers, along with everywhere else. make sure everything is de-cluttered. my mum helped me a little when i cleaned out my room, and her motto was, "if it doesn't have a place to go, chuck it!". if you can't bear to throw some things away, but they don't have a place, get some of those big plastic tubs that can slide under your bed. i have for or five of them full of all my toys, haha! get rid of all your old clothes, too. give them to charity or other people that may want them, and then you will feel extra-good for helping out someone else as well!

5. stop judging other people. just stop doing it altogether. this is also another process that takes a while to stop, because it's usually just habit to laugh at someone or make assumptions about someone just because of what they look like. when you judge people, it's just a show of how insecure you really are about your own identity. i used to laugh when people would say that insecurity is the reason for judging and making fun of others, but now i know that it's true. this one works two ways because; a) you will feel like a better person when you aren't making fun of people all the time & b) you will actually become less insecure as well. it's okay if you slip up sometimes, but at least try not to vocalize your judgements to friends or whoever you are with. if you keep it in your head, you are more likely to be able to stop more quickly.

6. this is my favourite one! write lists of all the things that made you happy EVERY DAY. when i first started doing this, i found it incredibly difficult to even write one thing. doing this makes you realize how many amazing things actually happened to you & how lucky you are!! it also helps to open your eyes and see all the good little things happening. because even if you had the most awful and horrible day, i'm sure you would have seen something beautiful, even if it was just the way the light was shining on a random persons hair when you were on the bus or something. if it was beautiful & made you happy, WRITE IT DOWN. you will be amazed at how your lists will grow.

so, there you are! i have given you some things to start with, but of course, it is crucial that you also evaluate your own life & situation & see what needs to be changed or fixed. it might just be that your "friends" are actually a bunch of negative assholes or that you can't stand your job. if you desperately want to change anything in your life, you absolutely can. you are the only one who can control the things you do, so you have to go for it. life really is to short it spend it upset and bitter, don't you think?!

PS - want a shorter but also extended edition? i wrote this too.

i love you!!
♥ ♥ ♥

please don't grow up

image found here

her imagination had gone. in becoming grown up, her imagination had left. it took her some time to realize, but once she did, she cried. where had it gone? where were the animals in the clouds, and the fairies in the garden? while she was learning about the "big, bad world", her imagination had run away. she wanted it back. so, she stopped learning about the "big, bad world". she stopped listening to what they all had to say about it all. she suddenly remembered that the world was beautiful, and that, if she went outside, there was birds in the trees and worms in the earth. she remembered that cinderella went to the ball and that beauty met the beast. she remembered that snow white bit the poison apple. she remembered madeline lived in and old house in paris, covered in vines. oh how she remembered, remembered, remembered! slowly, her imagination came creeping back. at first, she didn't realize - just like when it left - but soon she started seeing those animals in the clouds. and she could have sworn she heard fairies in the garden. she tied ribbons in her hair and ran about while everyone else was busy worrying about things that never even mattered. she read books about princesses and dolls and magical, faraway places. then, one day, her whole imagination was back. it was maybe a little bit damaged, or maybe she was a little bit damaged. she didn't know, but it didn't matter. it was back and it was wonderful. she cried, the day her imagination came back. she cried for joy.

i have seen art

Today, I visited the Gallery of Modern Art in Brisbane. It was very excellent and I had a great time. I think I am pretty bad at "appreciating" art, but I found everything quite interesting, even if I didn't understand what it was all supposed to mean, hehe.

This piece was really cool, because over the top of the background image, is another image, made of little whipped cream bits, like what you see on sweets decoden!







THIS was definitely my favourite part of the whole gallery!!!! It was this little pink room with shelves full of trinkets and sketch books! The trinkets were all little treasures left by people who had visited, and the sketchbooks all had titles on the front, and you could draw something in them relevant to the title. There was two tables and lots of colouring pencils in the middle so that you could draw what you'd like to! There was all sorts of books like, "My Favourite Food", "My Best Friends", "Home Sweet Home" and heaps heaps heaps more! I drew in quite a few to be honest :P



In fact, this was one of my drawings (I promise I'm better at drawing than that, hehe. I just like drawing with led pencils, I have no confidence if I can't erase!!) I drew this one in the "Who is King?" book. and OF COURSE the first person i thought of was MAX!



and, typically being a huuuuuuge Harry Potter fan, the next person I thought of was Ronald Weasley ;D So I had to put him in too!

I also drew a purple unicorn in "things you might not usually see"! I wish I could usually see them though :C



This is my little trinket that I left in the pink room. It's Piglet! He looks really happy there, I'm sure he'll make good friends with all the other little things left there, or make good use of them!



Eeep, can you see him?!





These rooms looked really nice and fancy, but when you looked closer, it was actually a bit bizarre! There was birds in the wallpaper (pigeons, among others!) and peoples faces on the sauce bottles. Still, it was very beautiful.



This was definitely the most amazing piece at the exhibit. It's a taxidermied deer (or antelope? or elk? i'm not sure, but it was something like a deer!) covered in bubbles. I thiiink the bubbles were made of glass (oh, i don't know much, do i? :P). Really super amazing!



This is a room full of knotted strings tied to the ceiling, in all different lengths. You had to take of your shoes, since once you walk in there it's a bit hard to see anyone else and you don't want to step on someone and hurt them! It was really strange and my friends & I couldn't stop laughing :P That's my friends legs you can see standing there, hehe.







Aaand this was my outfit! I apologize AGAIN for blocking out my face, but I looked really annoyed. Probably because I only had a few minutes to take pictures (AGAIIIN, it's the story of my life!), plus the lighting and settings on my camera were all wrong, since I had no time to fiddle with them. I think I am destined to bad mirror-pictures for the rest of my life ... noooooooo!
Outfit Rundown
Dress: TEMT
Navy Tights: Big W
Shoes: No idea - wanted to wear a different pair that looked much better, but my feet would have diiiied because they are so high and we did lots of walking.
Jewelery: Gifts, Gossip Girl (Big W), Diva & Equip.

My friend said I reminded her of Zooey Deschanel today, hehe. Which I totally thought of her when I saw this dress in the store! But I swear I look nothing like her. She has such big, cute eyes!

So, that was my day! I enjoyed myself very much :D

shopping, shopping ~ ♪

today i went on a much-needed shopping trip. i'd been to my local stores many times, only to be disappointed by the lack of stock & range. so i went further away from home, to a really big shopping centre that's an hour away from where i live. i'm really glad i went there, because i found really perfect things that i love. i was gearing up for having to buy some things that i only kind-of-like-but-not-really, since i was in rather desperate need of new clothes, and the "trends" these days seem to be nothing i like. i am really picky and have a rather strict criteria for the clothes i buy. i guess it's because i'm a bit of a snob ... my clothes can't be made out of certain types of material because they don't sit right or don't feel right against my skin. that kind of thing is usually only a problem in really cheap stores though, so i just avoid them. i also like to wear things that aren't too short at the hem, and that aren't too low around the neckline. both of these criteria are, unfortunately, rather hard to come by in clothes these days.
BUT, i came across a few items that i really loved. my sister said all of them reminded her of Blair from Gossip Girl. which makes me happy, because i really like her style. i am so excited to wear all my new clothes!
you may have noticed that i haven't posted any outfit photos lately, and that is because i've just been wearing the same (all black) boring outfits over and over. now that i have some new things to mix in, i am going to take outfit photos again!

another thing i got today was the Lady Gaga - The Fame Monster CD. ahhhhhh! ♥ i fall more in love with her everyday! really, she is so amazing ... i cannot even say. i really love her!

i also tried this "messy ponytail' hairstyle today. it's really cute, and i've recently cured my "phobia" of having my hair up (yes, i know. i just didn't like it...), and i think it will be really cute to wear to school as well!

Journal

So, I began journaling like I said I would. I really enjoy doing it, even if my creativity isn't really at the standard I would like it to be. Still, I can express the things I love in an entirely different format to what I'm used to. It's also a whole lot less nerve wracking than having a written journal, because I know that even if my little sister reads it, it won't make a whole lot of literal sense. It also brings back memories of being in pre-school and primary school, with the whole cutting-and-pasting thing. I even use the same clag glue paste that I did back then. Ahh, nostalgia.

The first one was me just trying out the style and seeing how well material stuck to paper etc. So it looks kind of messy but I still think it looks okay. The second one is of Tegan and Sara. I cut out their picture from an interview in a magazine, and stuck my favourite question and answer above it. On the opposite page I wrote the lyrics to their song "Back In Your Head". (Which I probably got wrong, hehe). The third and final page is just about my little love of ships. I saw the picture and knew I had to have it in my journal. Then it just spawned the writing about ships etc, which is kind of similar to what I said in my post about the sea side ♥

Today I also;
- Went to a 50's style diner, and had the most delicious burger & strawberry milkshake. The interior was filled with old coca-cola ads!
- Went shopping and actually found shoes I like ... but my size was sold out.
- Visited my nana ♥ She gave me lemons to use in my skin care recipes.

The weather is still rainy and the air is cool. I love it, I think it should stay this way until Summer is over. This afternoon I went into the garden, where the grass is overgrown. I sat down on the wet grass with my dog, and watched the wind blow yellow petals from the flowers on a tree. It was very beautiful.

I've begun to think a lot about school again. I am excited for buying new books and other things for my last year of school. I just hope that the year goes well!

freedom

today i quit the job that i didn't like working in. i have been sitting in bed eating marshmallows this afternoon. i found lots of lovely materials for my new journal, all i need now is to buy some new scissors and glue. my day has been nice.

Rain and Thunder and Ribbons and Journals

today, it is raining. i love the rain. it's so cosy. every now and then i can hear the distant rumbling of thunder. it's so relaxing and lovely.

i made a little cubby out of sheets and chairs today. the pictures didn't turn out so well, but i think it's very nice. it's perfect for rainy days like today.

i tied a big pink ribbon in my hair today, too. it's very pretty.

my brother and mum are outside, on the back veranda, playing "Guess Who?". Remember that game, where you had to ask questions to guess which character the other person has. Funnily enough, my mum was the one who asked to play it with my brother. Doesn't that just prove that there really is at least a little bit of a child inside of us all?!

♥

i found a wonderful journal community on livejournal today. it was full of such beautiful journals, like the one above. i think i just might start a creative journal. i have wanted to for a very long time, but the image of what i wanted it to be like was never clear in my mind. now it's quite a lot clearer and i'm very excited to start.

i very much need a new hair style. it has grown out to how i had it when i was 13. it looked pretty bad then, so i don't know why i have it like this now. i guess because it's a refreshing change to having hair all over my face. maybe i'll wait until summer is over to change it back again.

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♥

the shed

the shed is big and filled with old things. old beds, old chairs, old counters. the bathroom is outside, and at night you have to skip over the toads to get there. if you walk out the back far enough, you will find the river. if you walk far enough to the left you will come to the dam, where a miniature pony and it's mother play. i made friends with them once, but they followed me home.
in the shed, everything is mismatched. everything inside was bought because it was cheap.
i would prefer a nice hotel to the shed. i like things to match, i like new linen, i like new things. i like it when there aren't a thousand bugs flying around your face when you are trying to sleep. when it's time for bed, i pull the sheet up over my face, for fear that the bugs will land in my ears, nose or mouth. one night, i saw a firefly. it was so bright, i thought perhaps it was some kind of alien spy camera, instead of just an innocent, glowing bug.
at the shed we play cards to pass the time. sometimes our games can last forever. but you can only play cards for so long, and after a few games we will go and read on our own instead. i have been reading Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne.
one afternoon, at the shed, everyone was playing a family game of cricket - except my grandparents and i, i'm not big on sports. as my brother and cousin went racing for the ball, they collided, resulting in a lot of panic and blood. everyone quickly rushed to get the two boys into the car and they drove off to the hospital. my cousin had to have over 20 stitches in his forehead, and my brother had to have some above his eye. i waited nervously at the shed for three hours, watching the driveway closely for any sign of a car. all this time many scenarios were rushing through my head, all as upsetting as the next. so you can imagine my relief when my brother and cousin both sheepishly came back to the shed with stitches and bandages. my brother looks rather funny now. his eye is so puffed up and purple, that he cannot even open it. all you can see are his long eyelashes poking through the puffed skin. i told him, oh well, at least you'll have an excellent story to tell when you get back to school. he agreed with me.
we decided to stay for an extra day at the shed. i didn't want to. i was longing for home, for my friends and an internet connection, but i had to stay. we stayed at the shed full of old, mismatched things until the new year came. i decided that i needed to be happy when the new year came, not upset at the fact that i wasn't home, or else the whole year would go badly. so, i put a smile on my face and played cards with my family instead. we decided not to play cricket for a while. which is quite understandable, if you ask me.

i think i might like the seaside...

i went to the sea side. i don't usually like the sea side. most people assume i hate the sand, but then, most people assume many things about me that are incorrect. i don't correct them because i think even assumptions are use of the imagination. and i like that people think all sorts of funny things about me. what i actually don't like is being in the ocean, especially when the ocean has waves. also, having very fair skin, i find the very hot sun rather annoying. anyway, the sea side is very beautiful. it always takes my breath away. every time. most people i go to the beach with, are either eager to jump straight into the water, or trudge along the sand, sending complaints into the air about the sun and sand. but me, i like to stand on the shore and watch the water. i don't like to complain at the beach. i feel like i am disturbing the peace of the world if i complain there. i like to look at all the individual little shells poking through the sand. i like to search the horizon for ships, and i always wonder what the people on them are doing. usually, i think they are pirates. i always imagine that they would be singing and drinking rum. i also like to watch little crabs scurrying about on their important business, and i like to watch the seagulls swooping down around them. i can't help it, but everything i see, i wonder where it came from. i think about it's family and what it's experienced in it's life. one day, we went to the sea side when the tide was out. you could see thousands of tiny balls of sand that the crabs had made. i felt intensely guilty when i had no choice but to walk over them. i hoped that i wasn't ruining too much for the little creatures.


there is an abandoned ship at this beach, stuck in the mangroves. it is very mysterious. how did it get there? i had visited this beach and the boat many times over my years of holidays, and it is always there. i wonder what kind of things it saw at sea - if it ever went to sea. there is really no way of knowing. but it always makes me so curious. we went to the sea side another day, but at a different location, a bit further away. here, at the sea, there is a very long pier, that extends out over the ocean. all along it, fishermen were casting their lines, hopeful for a good catch. i drifted slowly up the pier. i couldn't help it. it was too beautiful, there was no way i could have gone any faster. i wish i could have taken more time, but my family were teasing me for being slow already. the tide was on it's way out, and so large banks of sand were left exposed for the first half of the journey up the pier. on the very horizon i could see the sails of just one ship. i thought that they were definitely pirates. even if the sails were too white. the water was the most perfect sea colour. green, but blue. and, if you looked hard enough, you could see where the water turned a magnificent deep blue, indicating deeper water. over to one side, in the distance, you could see land. my mother told us that it's where the fairies live. my brother told her fairies don't exist. "only because everyone forgot about them," she said. i stopped to look over the railing at one of the exposed sand banks. i could see a hundred little crabs, going about their business. one particular crab caught my eye. he was much bigger than the rest, and his blue shell was so shiny. i decided that he must definitely be the king. as i decided this, i noticed all the other crabs really did seem to be scurring around him, as though he was a very imporant crab. to the other side, opposite to the fairy land, the sea seemed to go on forever. the sky was so perfect, and the clouds looked like a marching band of animals. i definitely saw an elephant, as well as a rabbit and a cat. the marching band went almost all the way around the sky, and almost ended at the fairy land! all too soon, though, i was back on land. all i wanted to do was turn around and stay out on the pier all day. i thought that if i lived near the pier, that i would go there every single day. being on the pier made me happy, it made me feel alive. it was so peaceful, as the wind was so strong that it would block out the sound of any conversations as i wandered past. i felt safe and comfortable. i like going to the sea side on my own. for me, it's a peaceful place. it's not for yelling or screaming. or even talking. everything at the sea side makes me curious. it's all so simple. there is the ocean, the sand along with maybe some grass and trees. that is all. there is nothing overly complicated at the sea. it makes being a peaceful and curious person easy. at home i do live rather close to the sea. but not close enough that i could visit everyday, to walk, explore, read and write, which is what i'd like to do. i'd like to be at the beach while the sun is setting. that seems like it would be the most peaceful thing of all. maybe one day i will.


ps - HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know this year is going to be super fabulous! My list of resolutions is quite long, though I've never had resolutions before. So I hope I can stick to them, because they all mean a lot to me.